Wife School - The Autoritative Guide For All Wives. Bachelor party gift, anniversary gift, wedding gift

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,,,,,,,,,,,,	Since I wrote the book and launched the website, all my friends send me the joke emails about wives and general guy humor. Some of them are quite funny, so I thought I would share them with you. Click on the title below to be scrolled down to the text: 2010 Women's Driving Awards! A damn fine explanation More inspirational posters Let the Tiger Woods jokes begin! After a night of drinking U.S. Navy Send 'em Up! Monkey for a week!! The doctor and the tramp What goes through your mind when someone says, "Let's go for a drink"? And that's when the fight started... Gay test Inspirational posters Lucky man Man + Woman Marriage should be like a fishing license	Order the book today! . Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today! Order the book today!

	- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 2010 Women's Driving Awards 10th Place: 9th Place: 8th Place: 7th Place: 6th Place: 5th Place: 4th Place: 3rd Place: 2nd Place: Women's Driving Award Grand Prize Winner for 2010: Gas is on the right, brake is... Ah, forget it. Congrats on winning this year! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A Damn Fine Explanation The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!' And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened..' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!' And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they not the "in" name this year. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.' The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?' - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Let the Tiger Woods jokes begin! What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger Woods can drive a ball 400 yards. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They were out clubbing! What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They're both clubbed by Norwegians! Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Driving accuracy has always been the weakest part of Tiger's game. Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After a night of drinking Two buddies, Bob and Phil, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bob throws up all over himself. 'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!' Phil says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.' So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Bob stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time. 'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!' Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Bob says, 'Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!' His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks..' 'Oh, yeah.. I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.' - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - United States Navy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Send 'em Up! In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar ( military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type of aircraft, and points of origin and destination. I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along. . The conversation went like this... Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.' Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.' Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch an interceptor aircraft!' Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!' Iranian Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Rent A Monkey For A Week Monkey for a Week from Greg on Vimeo. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The doctor and the tramp From the wedding day: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - What goes through your mind when someone says, "Let's go for a drink"? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - And that's when the fight started... - My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. - She asked, 'What's on TV?' - I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. - She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds. - I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. - So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. - "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." - He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" - "Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. - She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' - The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started..... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. - Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. - I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. - I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday. And then the fight started..... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" - It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. - "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. - So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. - I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" - "No," she answered. - I then said, "Is that your final answer?" - She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." - So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Gay Test - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Inspirational Posters - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Lucky Man Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “Will you marry me?” The girl said “NO!” And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and played video games until 4am and went to strip clubs and hung out with his friends and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. The end. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Man + Woman Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate overnight. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Marriage should be like a fishing license A marriage license should be like a fishing license. It expires every year and if you go out of state, you can get a 3 day license. If you think about it, girls and fish have a lot in common. They are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right most are good to eat. Also, if you decide to mount one, you know it's going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home (no matter how well you treat them), they start to go bad and fresh ones are always better. Practice CATCH and RELEASE.